Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i think i have two assholes
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
