covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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