I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
