I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
