So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
