my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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