I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you never un-have a 4some
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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