He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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