Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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