and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
