We won't sleep together?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
