yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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