maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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