He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
