Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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