yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
