I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
