Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
