I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
