can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
