She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
