dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
