No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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