She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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