you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
