Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
