I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
