you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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