we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
