Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
