I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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