My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
