I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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