omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
