She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
