I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
