please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
