i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
