she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Success! We fucked roommates!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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