Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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