The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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