Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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