She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
