did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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