He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
