i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
