she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
