Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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