why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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