I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
