i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
