Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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