I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Dear god my vagina.
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