They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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