The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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